Buckle Up Yall. Things about to get vulnerable.

Trigger warning for some Readers

So if you haven't found out yet, I LOVE Jesus. Him and I are tight, and I've found that He's prettttty awesome. God laid it on my heart to share my testimony, and while I was kinda nervous about it, I knew obedience mattered more than my comfort. If even one person hears this and feels less alone — or sees how real His love is — then it’s worth it.

So anywho, the rest of my website is more polished, clean, correct speech and punctuation — all the professional jargon. But with this, I plan to just be myself and type this out how I'd tell ya in person.

I grew up in a Baptist household — very conservative, very “panty hose under every below-the-knee dress I wore” kind of household. Which, I am so thankful that my parents were dedicated to raising my brother and me in church and around the Word of God.

When I was around 10 years old, I specifically remember a sermon the pastor was preaching about Hell. I knew I did NOT want to go there. I remember thinking that my mom and dad were saved and I didn’t want to be without them in Heaven — so when I was in the 5th grade, I asked Jesus into my heart as a “get out of Hell free” card. And that was that.

(Keep reading — that’s not actually the plot lol.)

I went to a private Christian school K-5, did all the fun church activities, went to church camp, went to church every single Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday night. My mom and I sang special music all the time (which gave me a complex — like I was a celebrity within our church lol), and I played violin in the church orchestra.

Fast forward to 7th or 8th grade — church camp at The Wilds. Amazing experience. Really felt like God was working in my heart, and I re-dedicated my life to the Lord. Yay!

Fast forward againnnnn to college, around August of 2018, and I’m 20 years old. At this time in my life, I was NOT living a lifestyle that reflected Jesus. I had stopped going to church after my parents divorced in 2014, and I had been living with my then-boyfriend for the past 2, almost 3 years, with him and his parents.

I became close friends with a girl I went to college with, and she invited me back to her hometown in Indiana for a celebration her family was having for her sister’s upcoming wedding. Of course, I said, “Heck yea girl, let’s go! Sounds so fun!”

Long story short — and without going into too much detail — I am now a survivor of sexual assault from two men who were present at those events.

Once I made it back to Ohio, I told my then-boyfriend, and after about a month, he wanted to break up. I was “acting different,” “I must’ve provoked it.” So the day we broke up, I had to move out and was alienated from the people I felt closest with. I mean, I considered these people my family.

So, I moved in with my mom, and my mental health was in the trenches. I was noooootttt in a good place.

I spiraled and turned to anything that would help me forget everything — even just for a little bit. Just to escape reality. I turned to alcohol abuse, smoked weed, was vaping, partying, and sneaking out every chance I could get. Lying to my mom about where I was. Seeking validation from the world. And I was very, very angry with God.

My mom eventually kicked me out after about 2.5 months, but I was fortunate enough to move into the upstairs of the veterinary clinic I worked at at the time — just so I wasn't completely homeless.

I had constant thoughts of suicide. I was drowning in depression. I was struggling terribly with PTSD and the visions and thoughts that would flood into my head. Reliving the nightmare of what had happened in Indiana anytime I shut my eyes.

I suffered from panic attacks — some that sent me into the hospital because I would black out from hyperventilation. I just wanted it all to end. So I planned my exit from this world.

After I had been driving around one day, I parked the car and I screamed out to God — asking Him to give me one good reason why I shouldn't just end my life.

I looked over to the passenger side, and on the floor of my car I saw my Bible.

Not sure why it was in there — nor did I even know it was in there, since it had been a good 4 years since I had been to church. I opened up my Bible to a RANDOM PAGE — like I literally just opened it — and my eyes met with Psalm 46, which reads:

vs 1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

vs 2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

vs 3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

vs 4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

vs 5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

When I tell you I bawled like a baby once I hit verse 5...

God met me on the same road I took to avoid Him. He had just shown me a miracle right in front of my eyes. What are the odds of opening a Bible — that I didn’t even know was in my car — to that specific passage of Scripture?

You can’t explain it other than GOD.

I started going to church with my mom. I was still struggling mentally every single minute of every day, but I could see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel.

On Sunday, October 21st, 2018, Pastor Tom Williams (AWESOME guy by the way) was preaching out of 1 Corinthians — which basically says if you're only getting saved to get out of Hell to save yourself and not actually repenting of your sins, your faith is in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:2 KJV "by which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I have preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain."

I started thinking about when I was in the 5th grade — getting saved to get out of Hell, not for the right reasons. Then I thought back to church camp at The Wilds when I re-dedicated my life to the Lord... and I thought to myself:

“How can I re-dedicate my life to the Lord if I was never truly saved to begin with?”

And that’s when I had the lightbulb moment.

I just had too many doubts. I wanted to make sure my name was in the Book of Life so I could be face to face with my Heavenly Father someday and thank Him for all He had done for me.

Kneeling down at that altar that Sunday morning — repenting of the nasty life I had been living and thanking God for saving me out of the darkest time in my life — felt like I had heavy chains lifted from my shoulders.

THANK GOD for His mercy and unconditional love.



Since being saved, my life didn’t change all that much in terms of circumstances — I still dealt with PTSD and the hardships. But I FELT different. I didn’t feel hopeless. I felt peace in the midst of it all. A peace that surpasses all understanding.

One thing I’ve learned about life after salvation is this:

Just because you get saved doesn’t mean you won’t experience storms in your life — but it does mean that God will be WITH you through them. He’ll carry you every step of the way.

God is always with us.

And He loves us SO much.

Cast your cares upon Him. Give Him the messy and the ugly. CRY OUT to Him. He wants to carry that burden for you — you were never meant to carry it on your own.

If you’re wondering where to begin, the Romans Road is a great place to start:

• None of us are perfect. The bible says in Romans 3:10, "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one."
• We all sin and nobody is perfect. Our works don't get us into Heaven, no matter how "good" we try to be. Sin isn't just about big mistakes; it's anything that separates us from God. Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;"
• Sin has a cost — and that cost is separation from God, both now and forever. But this verse doesn’t stop with the bad news. It offers hope. Eternal life isn't something we have to earn — it’s a gift, freely given through Jesus. He paid the price we couldn’t, and through Him, we’re offered life instead of death. Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
• Jesus loves us SO MUCH that He died on the cross for our sins. God didn’t wait for us to clean up our lives before loving us. He loved us right in the middle of our mess — fully aware of our sin. Romans 5:8 "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
• Asking God for forgiveness of our sins- that’s where salvation begins: in the heart and with surrender. Romans 10:9 "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."
• Romans 10:13 says "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." The invitation is for everyone. No matter your past, your doubts, or how far you feel from God — if you call on His name, He hears you. He heard me! Salvation is a promise for whosoever, and that includes you.
• Once we get saved, we are no longer defined by our past mistakes. (Can I get a WHAT WHATTT! and an AMEN!) There is no more shame, no more guilt — only grace. Reassurance that salvation isn't just a moment — it’s a new way of living, free and forgiven. Romans 8:1 "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

So that is my testimony. If you or anyone you know is going through it — like really in it — please know you're not alone. I’ve been in the darkest places, and I’m standing here only because of God’s grace. If He can rescue me, I promise you… He can do the same for you.

Maybe you’re in a season of heartbreak, depression, or survival. Maybe you’ve experienced trauma, or you're carrying pain that feels too heavy to speak out loud. I just want to tell you: God sees you. He hears your cries even when no one else does. And He loves you — fully, fiercely, right where you are.

And please — if you're struggling with thoughts of suicide or dealing with the effects of sexual trauma, I encourage you to reach out for help. You're not weak for needing support. In fact, it’s one of the bravest things you can do.

📞 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial or text 988 (Available 24/7)

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline: Call 1-800-656-4673 or visit www.rainn.org

You don’t have to go through this alone. And you don’t have to carry your story in silence. There is hope. There is healing. And there are people — and a Savior — ready to walk alongside you every step of the way.

If you ever want to talk or pray or just be heard, my inbox is always open. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I pray it gives you a glimpse of how deep and personal God’s love truly is. He’s not done writing your story yet. 💛